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Dear people,

Recently I had a talk with somebody about confrontations. Many people shy away from what they consider to be confrontations with other people, but also confrontations with themselves. I embrace knowledge, so I'm always on the look out for places where I can grow, even if it initially feels painful. I know that long term, walking around with unhealthy behavior, suppressed feelings and resentment is much worse, then that one painful moment of clarity. So today I talk about some mindset reframing to start to easily deal with confrontations.

Awareness vs Confrontations
It's easy to fall into a defensive trap when we are confronted with things we don't want to acknowledge. It might be a loved one telling us something we don't want to hear, our bodies giving us a signal or consequences that come knocking at our door because we ignored something.

If we fall into the trap of feeling confronted, we can start feeling defensive, guilty, victimized and upset. We might even shoot the messenger and in the end, we have a bigger problem to solve than we had before.

If we instead decide to admit that something painful comes into our awareness, we can choose to be grateful and bless the messenger. We choose to be happy that we have a chance to correct our mistake, learn the lesson and move into a happier life. We can ask for help when we need it and it will be freely given.

Notice how your thought patterns behave when something painful comes into your awareness. Do you choose to be confronted and create that emotional drama or do you choose to be aware and quickly and effortlessly solve the issue by accepting it, asking for help and learning your lesson.

Sharing yourself vs Confrontations
A second type of confrontation that people tend to feel bad about is, when we have to talk to others about something that isn't right for us. A lot of people will swallow their feelings until they explode or just feel very anxious about talking to the other person.

If you decide to fall into the trap of saying that you are going to confront another person, you will start from a place of anger, attack and anxiousness. On some level we do know it's bad to confront others, because nobody likes to be approached in such a way. We know we are creating more drama and more pain.

Instead, we can choose to decide to share ourselves and our feelings. We want to let the other person  know of our experience and ask for a compromise or maybe even an apology. When then come from a place of understanding and bonding. That makes it much easier to listen to what they need and what they were thinking. When we choose to share and bond, the chances are high that the other person is willing to listen and doesn't fall in the trap earlier discussed into this article.

When something goes wrong or somebody goes over your boundaries, notice how your response is, do you choose anger or fear or are you willing to share yourself and find bonding?

Want to have share something about confrontations? Leave a message on the blog, the Facebook Fan Page or talk to me in the practice.

Pick and choose what works for you and affirm away (I recommend three times a day if you can manage it).

I deserve to be in the flow of Abundance 
I accept the flow of Abundance
I receive the flow of Abundance
I welcome the flow of Abundance

I am open to an Abundance of time
I accept an Abundance of time
I welcome my Abundance of time 

I am open to an Abundance of energy
I accept an Abundance of energy
I welcome my Abundance of energy

I am open to an Abundance of health
I accept an Abundance of health
I welcome my Abundance of health

I am open to an Abundance of love
I accept an Abundance of love
I welcome my Abundance of love

I am open to an Abundance of kindness
I accept an Abundance of kindness
I welcome my Abundance of kindness 

 
I am open to an Abundance of wealth
I accept an Abundance of wealth
I welcome my Abundance of wealth

Have an affirmation you want to share? Don't hesitate to post it in a comment on the blog or on the Facebook Fan Page. You can also share your affirmation stories in the practice, by e-mail or publicly online.

Dear people,

Moderation isn't always easy on us in our world that is full of temptations and distractions. I find it important to moderate in life, because when we don't, big imbalances will appear. Everybody has their own personal balance as well as their own personal pitfalls, but today I'm writing on two ways to see what needs moderation and why.

How to moderate the addictive pitfalls
Don't you hate it when suddenly you realized that you spend too many hours on your phone, a game or just ate too many sweets? Or start to realize you spend too many hours at work or at the gym and neglected your social life? We all have pitfalls that are addictive, meaning we will over consume if we don't stop ourselves in some way.

Addictive pitfalls mean that you don't get tired of something before it gets out of hand, so it doesn't have a natural boundary. We will probably get sick of water before drinking a damaging amount, but we might not get sick of drinking soda before we do.

How to moderate addictive pitfalls in 3 easy steps:

1. write a list of what is addictive to you personally
2. find a healthy boundary for you 
3. implement steps to create that boundary

So, step 1 is simple: what do you overdo in your life?

Step 2 is one that will require some thinking. What do you think is healthy? How many hours of screen time? How many hours of overtime at work? It's very personal, because it depends on our own personal goals. If you want to work for that promotion, you might allow more overtime as healthy than a parent with a family who needs to be home. If you have no other goals, it's easier to have hours of screen time, while if you want to go to the gym or have a more active social life, you might want to reduce them.

Step 3 is crucial. Since we established we don't have a natural boundary, we need to take steps to create one. A time based boundary is usually the most effective. For some people an alarm on our phones is helpful, that alerts us that we are still at work when we should have been at home or that we have spend more then 1 hour browsing already. A simple kitchen timer can also help us.

Besides using time keeping for your boundaries, it's also important that most addictive pitfalls are easy, while doing the right thing often seems much harder or require more energy. Substituting activities is also a great way of keeping addictive pitfalls at bay. We will gain in discipline, motivation and health.

Another useful boundary is keeping track of how often and when you fall into the pitfalls. You might see patterns based on stress, cycles or situations. The more you track these, the easier it is to make better choices.

When you can't seem to moderate addictive pitfalls
Rarely, people keep struggling with an addictive behavior that they can't seem to moderate and is damaging to their lives. It can be one that is considered 'good' like working hard, being extremely forgiving, being a people pleaser or one that is considered 'bad' like drinking too much alcohol, having hours of screen time,  etc.

Often I find deep seated beliefs underneath behavior that means healthy boundaries can't be set, sometimes these are even family beliefs or past life experiences. If you are stuck moderating parts of your life, don't hesitate to ask for help.

Want to share how you moderate your addictive pitfalls? Leave a message on the blog, the Facebook Fan Page or talk to me in the practice.