Welcome at Flow of Miracles

Dear people,

If we want to make changes in our lives by changing our behavior it's very important we see the difference between shame, guilt and accountability. Often, I see people stuck in the first two and they never make it into the last one. We all need to take accountability if we want to make changes. It's all the more frustrating for me, as my native language, Dutch, does not separate responsibility and accountability. So today I'm writing about the interconnections of the two emotional states of shame and guilt and the healing state of accountability.

Why guilt and shame go hand in hand 

I've already written an article about moving past guilt and of course I have the True Unity: Release Guilt healing video available. So if you are stuck in guilt or if guilt is an emotion you feel very easily, be sure to check out those free resources. 

We all make mistakes. Dealing with them in a healthy way is extremely important. When we don’t, we get stuck in repeating cycles of pain. When we feel too guilty about our mistakes, we tend to get stuck into self sabotage and littleness making it even harder to make the necessary changes to stop us from repeating our mistakes. 

And when we feel too guilty, we feel like we are a bad person and so we hide ourselves out of shame. Shame makes us feel extremely small. People who are ashamed of themselves or their behavior won't reach out for help and support. Shame makes us feel we don't deserve it or that if people would know who we are (or what we've done) they would run away from us or turn us away. 

These two toxic approaches to mistakes reinforce each other. The guiltier we feel, the more ashamed we are. The more ashamed we are, the guiltier we feel. And that causes people to spiral down into hopelessness and powerlessness. And every repeated mistake makes us feel worse and worse and worse. There is no way out, because we won't help ourselves or allow others to help us. And often that only reinforces that message of being unworthy, stupid, bad etc. 

The problem with dismissing guilt and shame

When we choose to suppress our guilt and shame, we might turn defensive towards others, we might choose to dismiss our mistake, disassociate or pretend things didn't happen. That means there is 0 opportunity to gain wisdom, learn from our mistakes and make better and healthier choices.

If guilt and shame should be incentives to make changes. Both these difficult emotions should confront us with the knowledge we aren't proud of our actions and we aren't happy with the consequences of our choices. But when guilt and shame turn into feeling that we as a person are worthless or bad or etc. it becomes a way to self sabotage and stay stuck in cycles of pain. Since you are bad, and not your choices, there is no way to change that, so why even try?

I always tell people to separate the problem from themselves. We are never the problem. Our actions can be. Our choices. Our beliefs. Our denial. But we ourselves can't be the problem, because we are more than just 1 action and more than just one situation. And, we should always be part of the solution. We can make different choices, believe different things, clean up our act and release our guilt and shame. Accountability is the road towards the solution!

Why accountability is the solution

I often find it remarkable when people tell me that they aren't responsible or need to hold themselves accountable, because it was an accident. I always ask them if they think their car insurance feels the same if they were in a car accident. That usually helps remind that that we should still hold ourselves accountable for our actions, even when we didn't want to consequences, didn't want to harm or hurt somebody etc. etc.
 

When we choose to hold ourselves accountable, we usually skip the debilitating guilt and shame. We decided that yes, it's our responsibility and our duty to find a solution. We can choose to atone, so we can release our guilt and make it right. Or we can choose to forgive ourselves and move on with lessons learned and a better perspective on ourselves. 

When we hold ourselves accountable, the fact that it's our fault or not, becomes irrelevant. There is a solution that needs to be found and a situation that needs to be handled. And we need to find it. Of course we can ask for help, support or advice, but we are on the road to a solution. We know it's our work and we need to do it.

So I'm reminding you today: hold yourself accountable so you can heal. And if you need some help with that, you can also manifest more accountability with my Manifestation Meditation: Accountability.  If you want to talk more about guilt, shame and accountability or ask what's possible for you, you can email me, post a comment here on the blog or send me a message on the Facebook Fan Page or on Instagram. 

Dear people,

Why does it help to give your Inner Child closure?

We all know that children have big feelings. They still have to learn to understand and regulate their emotions, learn how reality works and balance out the physical hormonal impacts. It's no surprise that we've all been through toddler tantrums or teenager rebellion. 

What harms a child emotionally can look really silly from an outside or adult perspective. That makes it much harder to actually to the work we need to find closure (acceptance, forgiveness, letting go etc.). Often the adult, more rational part of us, insist it was 'no big deal' or 'we should be over that already'. 

So it can be very healing to step into your inner child perspective and combine it with your adult perspective to give yourself the closure it needs. It will help integrate both energies, making sure you feel more vibrant and alive and it will increase your understanding of yourself and others.

Inner child exercise: Closure

• This exercise is done in 2 parts: the child and the adult part.
• Take around 30 minutes for each part of this exercise - so 1 hour total at minimum 
• For the child part, take a pen and paper 
• Allow yourself to connect with your own Inner Child  
• Write down all the childhood frustrations, pains and disappointments you still remember through the lens of your childhood self. 
• Since you remember them, it automatically means you have healing work that can be done. Once things are healed, we tend to not remember what bothered us per se. So don't censor yourself. Allow all child(ish) pain to be named
• Once you are done post the letter to yourself
• Drink a bit of water and do some grounding 
• Adult part: once the letter arrives take around 30 minutes to read it carefully
• If the letter arrives quite quickly, you can take a few days before starting, so you have a fresh set of eyes on what you've written
• As the adult: what would you do to comfort this child?
• As the adult: what actions would you take to give this child what they need?
• As the adult: what would you explain to this child?
• By doing these 3 things: comfort, action and only then explaining, you are giving your child self what it needs first and only then start with an adult perspective to closure. By doing it in this order, your child self will find closure. Usually we start with the explanations, meaning we sympathize more with the adults instead of with the child
• Once you've taken the appropriate steps thank you child self for being honest and open with you. 
• Send extra love and comfort to your child self or ask Higher Power to do so
• Choose what you want to do with the letter (throwing it out, burning, etc.)
• Drink a bit of water and do some grounding 

Dear people,

All the time people get told to play towards their strengths. It easy, it makes things work faster and it's often enjoyable. Yet, there aren't much opportunities to be had or lessons to be learned. It often takes courage and honesty to face up to our flaws, weaknesses and areas of growth, but the rewards are worth it. So today, I'm writing about how to play to your weaknesses.

Physical weaknesses

Yeah, it would be nice if we were always fit, always happy and always pain free. Yet we all have physical weaknesses. When we acknowledge those, we can work towards better lives. Not acknowledging or accepting our limitations means we will not work towards better outcomes.

Some reflection questions:

1. What is the best time of day for you to work? And do you take that into account?
2. Do you give yourself the right amount of food? 
3. Do you give yourself the right type of food?
4. Do you give yourself enough rest?
5. Do you give yourself enough relaxation?
6. Do you give yourself what you need when you are in pain or sick? 

If you know your weakness is sweets at 4pm, you can do something about it, once you acknowledge that this is a hard time for you. If you notice you are a night owl, you will feel less upset that you sleep the morning away, knowing that your effective time is still coming. Or, if you want to check what it feels like to work in what you think is your weakest time, you can try sleeping a bit earlier, and seeing what a 6am wake up does for you.

I see a lot of people not using the tools they need, because they want to be physically perfect. Yet, when  we acknowledge we aren't, it's can be liberating to give yourself what you need or go on an adventure to try something new. I admit that I am a fan of warm hot baths, but taking a cold shower sometimes really does revitalize me. Yet sometimes I just really need that bath!

Emotional weaknesses

Life would be a lot easier if none of us had emotional weaknesses. Yet, sometimes we burst into tears or are quick to anger. We let our passion lead us astray or wear rose colored glasses. We notice we are feeling entitled or we are being unfair to others. Some of us are prone to feeling jealous while others are people-pleasers.

Once we know where our emotional weaknesses are, we have an easier time keeping our emotional balance. It's always nice to feel stable, able to handle whatever punches life throws at us en build towards the kind of human being you want to be.

Some reflection questions:

1. How do you deal with difficult emotions like anger, sadness, jealousy? 
2. How do you deal with guilt?
3. Are your moods stable?
4. Do you notice your mood shifts?
5. Can you change your own mood?
6. Are your relationships healthy? 

Mental weaknesses

Some of us are worriers, some of us prefer predictable patterns, others get stuck in their own headspace, there are many different mental weaknesses. Yet all of us have them. If you acknowledge them, it helps put them into perspective. Mental stress that remains unspoken often leads to bad decisions, outburst or even illness. 

Regularly checking in on our mental health is important, but so is knowing what gets your goat so to speak. If you know you crash out when you need to do a presentation at work, you can deal with that in an appropriate way. Always nervous doing new things? Take it into account, but keep on trying.

Some reflection questions:

1. How do you manage your fears?
2. How do you manage your stress?
3. Do you know your personal signs of stress?
4. Do you regularly mitigate your stress levels?
5. Do you get out of your comfort zone now and again? 
6. Do you reflect enough on your mental health? 

I highly recommend you take some time to play with the answers to your questions and see where your growth is calling you or where you need to be kinder to yourself. If you want to talk more about accepting and overcoming weaknesses or ask what's possible for you, you can email me, post a comment here on the blog or send me a message on the Facebook Fan Page or on Instagram. 

Dear people,

How does a mirror help?

There are many ways in which looking in a mirror helps us out. 

Some benefits:

• It's harder to lie to ourselves while we see our own face
• It's easier to work on self love/self value/self forgiveness if we see ourselves
• It's easier to reflect on things when we get direct feedback from ourselves
• When can tune into inner thoughts easier when looking into our own eyes 

Of course when you start mirror work, it's usually a bit uncomfortable. It feels a bit weird to watch yourself. Depending on your levels of self love,  self confidence and self value, responses tend to range from slightly weird to deeply uncomfortable. While I know it's hard to do things that make us uncomfortable, mirror work is worth it.

Mirror exercise: Self value

• Take around 15 minutes for this exercise
• Grab a mirror or use your bathroom mirror
• Make sure you have a comfortable seat 
• Watch yourself in the mirror while going through the affirmations listed. Practice saying them 3-5 times each
• Be sure to reflect on how you respond to them and if you notice shifts
• If you notice responses like doubt, denial, self sabotage, sarcasm etc. you know more work is needed, either with the mirror or with different techniques  
• Affirmation 1: I am worthwhile
• Affirmation 2: I know my value
• Affirmation 3: I value myself
• Affirmation 4: I am valuable
• Don't forget to drink a bit of water and do some grounding 

Dear people,

Healing is available for everybody. Yet it's a rare week when I don't notice some form of communication where the expectation is clear: there will not be healing. Sometimes when I read the comments of a news story about a rape survivor, sometimes I speak to somebody who is deeply grieving or when I have an intake with somebody who is looking for help, but who has given up or lost faith. Today I'm writing about why healing is available for everybody and why that's so important to remember.

Different faces of Healing

Lucky for us, we often heal without thinking about it. It's not instantaneous, but we don't consciously need to work for it. A cut in our finger, a blister on our foot or pimple in our face. A bit of heart break, a disappointment or a night of less sleep is often also quickly forgotten. Our bodies,  hearts and minds want to heal and we take that for granted. 

Yet sometimes healing is a journey - it takes time and effort to reach our destination. When people can not imagine the destination they think healing is not possible. Sometimes they  want to go back in time. A grieving person won't get their loved one back. A rape that has happened can't be stopped. So they tell me that nothing can be done - there is nothing to heal. When this happens, it means that we are stuck in the past instead of finding a way to move forward.

Healing has many faces. It can be acceptance. It can be new love or new life. It can be inner peace. It can be strength. It can be wholeness. It can be helpfulness. It can be strength. It can be wisdom. But it will never be the exact same way as before. If that was true, it wouldn't be healing, as that would mean we have learned nothing, gained nothing and just rewound time. 

Sabotage in Healing

Sometimes people swear they want to heal, but they've seen a lot of different people and they claim nothing works. With our bodies inner natural healing power, it's very unlikely that nothing would ever work. It often means that our hearts or our minds are sabotaging the healing. Like somebody who tells  you they want to quit smoking with a cigarette in their mouth. 

It's really hard to deal with self-sabotage in Healing. Most of the sabotage is subconscious, so people really feel like they are working hard and trying hard. They are often angry and upset, because nothing they are doing seems to be working. It's like an invisible hand is ruining their work time and time again. Sometimes they feel they have done enough and are unwilling to see where their energy, participation and willingness is needed.

If you notice this happening in your life - remember that healing is always possible. You just need to work on the self sabotage to start the healing process. I made a True Unity video to help people heal self sabotage. If you do notice healing but frequent set backs or mixed results, definitely take a closer look into self sabotage.

Time needed for healing

I  always say that most people would like to be healed yesterday. However, in our world healing takes time. While it's sometimes possible to have a Celestial Speedup all healing takes time. We can't rush our body, mind or heart. I understand that people sometimes wish to flash forward, but for true healing changes need to be made in a healthy way.

If your healing is a time issue, give your body,  heart or mind some grace. While it's wonderful to instantly heal trauma, it's just not always possible. One of my longest personal healing was around 15 years, but the radioactive iodine treatment I did had a large effect on my body. I gained a lot of wisdom on that healing journey and I'm grateful that the issue is healed now. I'm working on deeper healing as I'd like to be medication free.

With longer healing journey's it's often discouraging to see very little results, but you should see some. I did notice a more balanced thyroid year after year and the amount of side effects became less and less. So while I wasn't healed or within normal blood values, I was healing. If you see no results with time, there is definitely self sabotage going on. If you so slow results, be sure to check if there is something extra you can do, but if not, try to be patient and accept the time needed for your healing.

I regularly have to tell clients that they need to wait until the healing energy has done it's work. While I do after care at 6 weeks, I've seen full healing occur 9 months later. The energy was obviously still running. Sometimes people do need a second session, because the healing uncovered a deeper problem or because it wasn't possible to do a complete healing in 1 session. There is only so much change we can handle - no matter how much healing we desire.

Keeping a Healing Mindset

When we believe healing is possible we keep searching, trying new things and listening to our bodies. We are focused on self love and self care. We are mindful of our new boundaries until we are fully healed. If we believe healing is not possible we can sink into depression or despair, make self sabotaging choices and often do things that are wrong for our bodies, heart and minds.

It's hard sometimes to keep a healing mindset, so don't be discouraged if you lost it for a while. Get yourself back on track and forgive forgive forgive. Forgiveness is a great healing tool and will often lead you towards more wisdom and better outcomes. 

Exercise: Available Healing

• Take around 15-20 minutes for this exercise
• Grab a pen/pencil and a piece of paper
• Write down the answers to the following questions intuitively.  
• The percentage of healing available to me is:
• The percentage of self sabotage I'm dealing with is:
• The amount of time I need to heal this issue is:
• The direction I need to take my healing into is:
• Take some time to reflect on your answers. 
• If you aren't happy about the amount of healing available or the time needed, invest in more support or a Celestial speedup
• If you aren't happy with the amount of self sabotage, start healing there.
• Listen carefully to the direction you need to take your healing in
• Don't forget to drink a bit of water and do some grounding 

I strongly believe we can all be healed. That's why I write so many exercises on my blog, make healing video's and do live sessions. And of course work with clients in my practice. If you want to talk more about healing or ask what's possible for you, you can email me, post a comment here on the blog or send me a message on the Facebook Fan Page or on Instagram. 

Dear people,

Parenting should be rewarding, fun and beautiful. Sadly, often we are forced to own up to our own trauma, our own limitations and our own flaws. So it's no surprise that I often help stressed out parents or kids. I already have many resources to help parents out (for example the True Unity Video's around parenthood), but today I'm going to write about reframing parenting difficulties. Why it works and most common problems to reframe. If you like the technique of reframing, you can also check out Reframing Confrontations and Reframing Job Hunting.

Why reframing helps in parenting

How we feel about things greatly influences our behavior. With reframing we can change our outlook, improve our mindset, create more patience and tackle the real problem. I often hear parents say things that aren't true, but feel true nonetheless. Things like: "My child won't sleep", My children don't listen", "My child is difficult". 

One of the things I always say about parenting is: there are no difficult children. There is only difficult parenting. This is a massively important reframe, because it brings your child back to innocence and you back in focus on the problem: the parenting. If you feel your child is being difficult, you are more likely to respond with impatience, anger, nasty words etc. When you feel parenting is being difficult, you are more likely to respond with grace, forgiveness and problem solving. 

Reframing sleep

Wouldn't it be great if we could control our kids sleep? Young, old, it doesn't matter. Just a button we could press, and ta-da the kid is asleep. And we are able to get things done - because the child is sleeping! Sadly, there is no such button. And when we look closely, we realize we don't even have one for ourselves! How many times have we woken up when we wanted to sleep? Tried unsuccessfully to fall asleep for a few hours? 

So what we need to do is not "get the child to sleep", because that implies control, conflict, power struggle and frustration on both sides. It also places unfair expectations on parents and children! What we instead need to do is facilitate sleep. Meaning we give environment we need for sleep and then we are just present with our children and notice what happens. 

For baby's that means clean diaper, fed, good temperature and no discomfort. And then we just give them space to fall asleep. Maybe that means contact napping, maybe that means rocking a bit, maybe that means laying them down in the crib. Swaddling, sleep sack, white noise machine, heartbeat toy - there are so many options, because some baby's sleep easy and some don't. You figure it out as you go - what is needed for good sleep and adjust accordingly.

With older children that means a solid bed time routine, but sometimes also an extra 20 mins to talk about what's bothering them so they can fall asleep. Or giving them space in your bed at night when they had a nightmare. Or bringing in a nightlight.

When sleep is a problem and we are tired, it often *feels* like the child is just being stubborn and doesn't want to sleep. But we all need to sleep. Our bodies all want to sleep. So when sleep doesn't happen - something is wrong and needs to be addressed. Reframing it as: 'child can't sleep' means we know everybody is trying.  

Reframing listening

Probably the most heard of complaint from parents and children! Also, from adults to adults, I think. How often do we complain we don't feel heard or listened to? Tallying that up during the day might shock you. Yet if we look closely, we need to see if our complaint is it's really about listening. Most of the time, what parents really mean is that they aren't being obeyed. 

If it's truly a problem of listening (which it can be), make sure to have ears and nose checked and find out if your child is not zoned out (for example: autism, hyper focus, ADHD or epilepsy). But if what you really mean is obey - it's time to focus on what that means. 

Reframing problems with listening to: "my child doesn't obey me" means that we have to take a look at how we handle authority in our parenting. Some reflection questions:

• Are we asking them for something they can give? No for example won't work before a child is 1 year old, so don't expect that to be obeyed until they can understand what you mean. Check if what you are asking for is developmentally appropriate. 
• Do we give our children too many chances so that our requests are unclear and our children don't know when to obey. Do they know when we are being serious and when we aren't? 
• Are we asking our children to obey us when obeying is very hard for them? Do we need to institute timers or work on transitions?
• Are we expecting 100% obedience even when our children don't know why something is important? Do we need to start looking for buy-in for older children and compromise with them?

There are many reasons why children don't obey. Sometimes they are too young. Sometimes they are learning and pushing boundaries. Sometimes they have other difficulties keeping them from doing what you want. In all cases: we as parents need to figure it out. 

Sometimes disobedience can trigger a lot in the parent. Maybe because you were treated in a horrible way when you didn't obey, so you don't have a healthy frame for how to deal with disobedience. Maybe you feel disrespected or unheard. Parenting is bound to bring up childhood trauma. So take some time to heal  yourself before dealing with authority/obedience issues and you might notice that some things have cleared up as if by magic. 

Reframing difficult children

There is definitely difficult parenting. There are so many ways parenting can be difficult. But when we label a child difficult, we don't give space to who they are, instead making sure that they are prone to act in ways we don't want them to act. I've read a study that split a group in A and B children for the school year. The parents incorrectly assumed the A-group were the smart kids and the B-group were not and treated their children that way. Researchers were shocked that the children actually fell into those roles when they tested them a year later. With the A group being the top half in tests scores and the B group  being the bottom half. A year ago they had divided them by alternating students based on highest test scores hoping to form 2 equal smartness groups.

If you notice yourself labeling, move from the child towards the action. Your child is not selfish -  that was a selfish action. Your child is not stubborn -  your child acted in a stubborn way. We are used to changing  actions - offering alternatives, talking through scenario's, asking questions etc. It always helps to see where we are supporting the trait we want to see. If you want your child to show kindness, generosity, wisdom, self regulation etc. etc. when and how do you practice that? When do you set the example?

Parenting can be difficult in so many ways:

• Our child's behavior triggers us
• Our child's behavior mirrors our flaws
• Childhood wounds keep us from being the parent we want to be
• Physical/Mental/Emotional problems with our child
• Physical/Mental/Emotional problems with ourselves 
• Household stress (financial, absent partner etc.)

Parenting is a marathon not a sprint. Give yourself some grace when you can't be the parent you want to be or you struggle with a particularly though parenting situation. I'd love to write more about this in the future. If you have some issues you'd like to hear more about, you can email me, post a comment here on the blog or send me a message on the Facebook Fan Page or on Instagram. If you want to heal your parenting struggles with me, ask me for a free intake!

Dear people,

We all deal with resistance every single day. We all have different things that we resist. Maybe it's coming out of bed, maybe it's doing your dishes, maybe it's choosing the better food option, maybe it's trying for another job etc. etc. It's normal to feel some resistance, but sometimes people struggle with large resistance rooted in trauma, past lives, family karma or other chronic issues. If we don't make a commitment to solve it, the resistance will lead to self-sabotage, procrastination and frustration. So today, let's talk about healing resistance. 

Reducing Daily Resistance

We all have things we dislike, so it's natural to be resistant to doing them. Since everybody is different, we all resist different things. The end result of resistance is easily spotted: the task doesn't get done. This type of small resistance can be easily solved by rewards or improving the task. 

I always think it's funny that we know rewards work as positive reinforcement, but most adults don't reward themselves. Whatever the task that you usually resist is, it's a good idea to reward yourself. Make sure however that the reward isn't a self sabotaging one. For example: don't reward a daily task with food if you don't want to gain weight. It's even better if you can reward yourself with things you want to add into your routine. So if you want to be more mindful, you can reward yourself with a 5 minute meditation, a 15 minute break or a gratitude exercise.

Another good way to reduce daily resistance is to make the tasks that you are resisting more fun. A lot of us don't like doing the daily grind of housework, but adding in music, your favorite audio book or some TV is a great way to get yourself happier while doing your task. It might not be as efficient, but it does get done! 

Acknowledging Deeper Resistance

One of the main reasons deeper resistance doesn't get resolved is because people don't acknowledge it. They will only look at the surface: I'm saying that I want to quite smoking, lose weight, clean up my attic, find a new partner, so that must mean I'm working towards it. Yet, when we take the time to reflect, we'd see that our behavior doesn't line up with our talk. 

Sometimes the resistance is in the subconscious so that people seem to have really good reasons on why they aren't making progress. They were busy, life got in the way, they were stressed etc. etc. Yet, examining those reasons often shows that they are just excuses. If we really wanted, we could have taken steps forward.

So it's a good idea to reflect regularly on if you are meeting your goals or not. By seeing why you aren't moving forward you can find out what type of resistance you are experiencing and heal it. It pays off to regularly check out what or who you are resisting. I always double check when I have to reschedule a task to see if I'm procrastinating, if I prioritized correctly and if I notice any resistance.

Healing Deeper Resistance

Once we know deeper resistance is there, it's time to heal it. It's important to figure out where the resistance is coming from and to step into willingness. Besides this exercise, you can also use the True Unity Video: Releasing Resistance or search my Channel for videos to heal specific resistance types like Fear of the Next Step, Fear of Rejection, Procrastination and others.

Exercise: Healing Resistance

• Take around 15-20 minutes for this exercise
• Grab a pen/pencil and a piece of paper
• Write down all your resistance thoughts and thought patterns
• If you have trouble accessing them use prompts like: I resist doing X, because, I'm afraid to do X, because, I won't do X, because or I feel resistance, because
• Once you have all resistance written down, take some time to feel it in your body and resonate with the parts of you who are angry, resentful, frustrated, fearful etc.
• Ask for help from God, Higher Power, the Universe etc. to come to a state of willingness / surrender
• Ask to have all parts integrated so your resistance disappears and you feel wholly committed
• Test your commitment by write down what you want to do and setting an alarm to reflect on if it happened
• Repeat this exercise as much as you want to discover new sources of resistance.
• Don't forget to drink a bit of water and do some grounding 

If you want to share your experience with resistance or my exercises, you can email me, post a comment here on the blog or send me a message on the Facebook Fan Page or on Instagram. If you want to heal your resistance with me, ask me for a free intake!

Dear People,

I always do an intake to discuss which healing focus I would recommend. A focus is always positive: it's where we want to go and what energy we'd like to see. Sometimes it's very clear what the focus should be, but sometimes I offer multiple options. Today I want to talk about how I choose a healing focus and why I sometimes offer choices.

Broad vs narrow focus

There is no good or bad, but since a session has a healing limit, it's interesting to talk about what difference a healing focus can make. A lot of people think that the time limit is what defines how much can be healed, but the actual limits is how much my clients energy system can handle. So what does it mean to choose a broad or a narrow focus? 

I will be using an example to highlight the benefits and drawbacks. 

For example: a client comes to me for a physical problem. Underlying the problem where some old child hood patterns, so we could choose Inner Child as a focus, to heal those and expect physical relief, more energy, more creativity and passion and a bit of wonder. During the session, other Inner Child wounds might pop up, allowing for other area's of her life to also be healed. Since this focus is broader than only the problem, that means that were have a wider range of results.

We could also have chosen a focus based on the problem only, like for example "Healed Problem". We might have found other underlying causes if those existed besides the childhood patterns, but we wouldn't have had extra results. So in this case, the focus is more narrow, the results are more narrow, but, it's likelier we would clear the problem in one session if healing only the childhood problems wasn't enough to change the energy sufficiently.

The broader the focus is, the more likely it is you'd get additional benefits, but also the likelier it is that we can't heal deeply enough to solve the problem completely. Sometimes a problem is just tied to one thing only, but sometimes it's a web of different issues that all need to be healed.

Based on our intake, I tend to choose a focus that has a large chance (70% and up) to resolve the initial problem people asked me to help heal. That means it's rare for me to need a second session. Sometimes I do in case of additional resistance popping up, sometimes our session got too broad anyway during the healing (when painful things pop up I won't shy away from healing them, even if we didn't discuss it in the intake) and even more rarely sometimes the energy body of the client can't handle too much healing at once.

Let me define your focus

A lot of times people want to tell me what to heal, but we don't always know what's really the underlying cause or causes. I use my gifts to find out what they are. Sometimes they resonate a lot with people during the intake, sometimes they are surprised.

 
Surprises tend to come when the main issue is in a past life, family pattern or subconscious behavior. Sometimes that means people have already healed on the  mental or emotional levels and are stuck in deeper layers, sometimes it means that they just aren't aware of what also is influencing their behavior.

So don't worry if you don't know if you need a Healing or a Reading or if you don't know how to resolve things. That's my job. And why I schedule time to discuss things with you during an intake. I prepare all my intakes so I can listen to what's going on and notice how your energy field is behaving.

Why there is sometimes a choice

Problems can almost always be solved in different ways. I tend to choose the broadest focus that still has high likelihood to have additional benefits, but sometimes I can see two clear ways forward. For example, I had a client who was interested in building her own business. 

One focus would be: flourishing <business name>, in which case the expected results would be more clients, more money and more joy. It would focus on blockage moving forward, choices to be made in the near future and how to navigate the business for the coming months. 

However, this client was also a bit of a workaholic and there were some issues with balancing work load, making sure healthy boundaries were set and some other more personal issues. So the other focus could be: balance. In which case, the expected results would be: better work/life balance, better health and more joy. It would focus mainly on personal growth and how to be the best business owner to yourself and your clients. This would in turn, also lead to more clients and more money, but slower compared to the first path.

Neither focus would be wrong, but the expected results would differ, due to where we'd put the emphasis on healing. Would it be based on growing the business or growing yourself. Would be it based on success or based on balance. It's up to the client what is the right path forward, but often, the second choice comes back around one way or another. If Flourishing is the focus, balance will become a topic after a while, because nothing can grow without limits. If Balance is the focus, then flourishing will ultimately follow.

I will write more in a new blog post on how intakes work and why I choose to work with them. If you are wondering if I can help you, just ask me for a free intake. If you have another question for me send me an email or talk to me through the socials by leave a comment on my Blog, Facebook Fan Page or on Instagram.

Dear people,

The spiral is a wonderful healing tool to work with, both in what we can accomplish for ourselves, but also in what happens when things go wrong. In English, spiraling can both mean: decrease or deteriorate continuously as well as showing a continuous and dramatic increase. I've written before on using the Spiral in walking meditation, but today I want to write some more about the spiral as a healing tool.

Why a healing spiral?

Most of the time, people like their growth to be a continuous line trending upward. While I can understand why that's ideal, that's hardly realistic. That would mean that we only take steps forward and our lives continuously improve at the same rate. 

After discussing this, people often talk about how life has it's ups and downs, and then draw a line which dips now and again, but in the end rises higher and higher. That's more realistic than the always upwards trending line. Sometimes we take a step back and then 2 forward, sometimes we are stuck in a dip for a long while, but in the end, we achieve more then we had in the beginning.

What it doesn't show is how healing builds upon healing and pain builds upon pain. It's no wonder we call it 'spiraling' when we talk about mental health. When we can't stop a negative thought, it will often generate another and another and another until we hit rock bottom. Breaking that spiral is so important. At the same time, if we are healing, building positivity upon positivity, we will reach higher and higher. That often means we reach higher and higher levels of healing. Of course that means we regularly revisit earlier themes which sometimes means people mistakenly think they make no progress or fear that they are stuck in a loop.

Why use a healing spiral?

If you know that healing and growth moves into a spiral, you can use it in your healing practice to increase healing as well as speed it up. Who doesn't like speeder results? It means meeting yourself where you are at, but also increasing your own healing potential. 

You can also use spirals to get to the core of issues or to manifest things outward. Spirals are found in nature, making it easier to meditate with this symbol. Of course spirals also feature in sacred geometry. So there are many ways in which you can connect to spirals and have them help you.

Some ideas to use a spiral

Here are some ideas on how to use a spiral:

1. Meditate with a spiral object like a seashell, a snail etc.
2. Walk a spiral inwards with a reflection question
3. Walk a spiral outwards with a manifestation focus 
4. Trace or draw spirals
5. Use a piece of rope, string or a necklace to make a spiral

Exercise: Healing Spiral

• Take around 10-15 minutes for this exercise
• Choose a healing theme (for example: physical health, assertiveness, acceptance)
  
• Gently close your eyes
• Breathe in and out until you feel comfortable
• Visualize a spiral staircase standing right before you
• Your staircase is filled with light and healing
  
• Set your foot upon the first step - breathe in and out - and access the healing available
• Gently ascend upwards to the next level
• Ask for the lesson or gift at this stage of healing 
  
• Breathe in and out - and access the healing available
• Repeat until you feel you are at the highest level of healing for yourself
• Extend gratitude towards yourself
  
• Gently open your eyes, drink a bit of water and do some grounding

If you want to share your experience with healing spirals or my exercises, you can email me, post a comment here on the blog or send me a message on the Facebook Fan Page or on Instagram.

Dear people,

Of course we all like to succeed. And sometimes we feel that when we have God's/Heaven's/Higher Power's/Universes' blessing, when we're walking our soul path, that means that we'll only have success after success after success. And while, of course, I acknowledge that would be really nice, that is not my experience. We sometimes need to learn our lessons and sometimes we desire things or people that aren't right for us. So today I am talking to you about times when we are destined to fail.

Destined to fail 

When we fail, we can have two choices. We can choose to be bitter and upset. Or we can choose to trust that that wasn't the right thing for us. It's hard to accept, but maybe we were actually are needed somewhere else, be with somebody else or do something else entirely.

Example: Buying our House

When I was house hunting with my husband, that was a huge sellers market. So we decided to first sell his apartment and then only to start looking for a home for the both of us. And that meant that his apartment is sold really quick within only a couple of weeks. But also that we have spent a long time looking at houses afterwards.

When we finally found one that we both agreed on, we bid on it, but it didn't get sold to us. It was a huge bidding war. But since we only just started looking, we decided of course that it was just the start. But in the months after that, we could not really find anything that we were willing to bid on. And my husband was getting more and more nervous because due to financial reasons, the best thing to do for us was to buy a house within a certain period of the sale of his old appartment.

And finally, we saw another property that we would like to buy, so we bid on it, and we heard that it was just us and another potential buyer. And that was because COVID just started and we were in our first lockdown. And of course, everybody was saying that we were insane and that the housing market was likely to crash and we should just wait.

But we really liked the house so we decided to put an offer in. And again, our bid wasn't accepted. We had the highest bid but the couple we were bidding against actually didn't need to get a mortgage, they could pay in cash. So the sellers went with a cash offer.

So that evening, my husband was very dejected and very angry and he said, "I really thought that that was going to be our home and I am so angry. We spend months looking at houses and we still don't have one."
And I told him, "Look, we were destined to fail that wasn't our home, and if it is our home, the other buyers are going to go and drop out and we'll be called back asking if we want to still stand by our offer or not. But I told him, "That is obviously not our home."

And I asked him if he was willing to do some healing work with me so that he could let go of his anger and his disappointment and so we could move forward to the home that was ours. So I'm happy that he was willing to do that with me.

And then the next day I saw our home and I said, "Look, that's our home." And it was in the same street of the house that went into that bidding war. It's just a small street, so we were lucky to find another property for sale there within the same year. So we went to visit there and we made an offer. And we got the call a day later that the house was hours. We are very happily living there. And it really felt that it was destined to be our home.

Because we got this property almost a year later, we were able to save a lot more money and able to do a lot of renovations. And because it was during COVID lockdowns, we managed to snag somebody to actually do it for us because we could just offer him an empty house and the keys. Everything just fell into place wonderfully.

And we wouldn't have been there if we won the bidding war. We wouldn't have been there if we won the bid on the second property. So for us, the third time was the charm. 

Example from a client: miscarriage

When I was working with a client, some grief from a miscarriage came up during her session. She told me that it was devastating was it was the only time she managed to get pregnant and she had loved to be able to be a mother to a living child. 

Miscarriages are hard on the mind, body and soul for almost all people. Some people find meaning or manage their grief, while for others, it can be an open wound. Grief is always a deeply personal journey. So this example does not speak for others.

While she was able to release layers of grief she told me how much better her life had been afterwards. Something was set right in her body - as some major health issues resolved. Something was set right in her life - she recognized that her relationship wasn't right for her and that a child tethering her to that person would have been dangerous for her. She was able be thankful and extended gratitude to the soul she had felt and the experience she went through.  

Destined to fail exercise

If you look back, you might also find instances where after not getting your first pick, you found out that what you received instead was much better. It might be a second relationship, it might be that third bid on a house, it might be that third job offer or even something completely different. Staying in tune with what is right for you, allows you to find patience for the times where it seems you are living setback after setback.

• Take around 15-20 minutes for this exercise
• Make sure you are comfortable and can't be disturbed by your phone etc.
• Close your eyes 
• Take yourself back towards a time where you felt a painful failure
• Ask for help from Higher Power, God, The Universe, your Guides etc. to release any pain, guilt, self attack or other negativity to be released
• Breathe in and out slowly and fill yourself up with Inner Peace
• Ask if you have already received your better path - if you have - feel grateful
• If you haven't received it yet - ask to be filled with trust
• Gently open your eyes, drink a bit of water and do some grounding 

Dear people,

Recently I've been asked again about relationship compatibility. I bet it doesn't surprise people that often I'm being asked about true love, finding the right partner, relationship potential and dating. Sometimes a Reading is necessary to clarify issues, find new opportunities or look into the future. Sometimes a Healing is necessary to remove past relationship baggage and create a flow for the right romantic partner. While I love doing this work, I'd like to write a bit about compatibility today to help you out when you are dating or want to reflect on your relationship.

First Level of Compatibility: who to date

To make somebody interesting enough for us to date, we need to have some compatibility. If we don't connect at all with somebody, we can do a pity date, but it's not going to end up being a loving mutual beneficial relationship. 

So, we should date people with whom we have:

• Physical Compatibility - we find them attractive, we have some spark, we like what we see/feel etc.
• Emotional Compatibility - we feel a heart connection, we feel understood, engaged and like we can trust them
• Mental Compatibility - we have a mind connection - we can have great conversations together, our talks are engaging etc. 
• Spiritual Compatibility - we intuitively know that there is something there to discover or we just know something is right for us.

Not everybody will rate these compatibilities at the same level. Some people really want to feel a spiritual connection, while others will not date somebody where they feel no physical attraction. Only you know what matters to you and how you deal with things not being as compatible as you'd like. I know some people who only feel physically attracted when their minds or hearts are engaged. So they will date people without feeling that initial physical spark, knowing it will likely come in time. 

If you date people you have no connection with on any level, expect to have disappointing dates. The clearer you are on what works for you, the easiest it will be for everybody. While it can be challenging to turn down somebody, wasting their time and energy on hopeless dates that go nowhere is not kindness, but cowardice.

So you are dating, feel some spark, are a bit engaged, and you are hoping to grow into a deeper relationship. This is where I always tell people: having a long relationship is simple: simply take whatever the other person gives you and fulfill the wants/needs/desires of your partner. You won't have a happy relationship, but you'll have a long one. Because you will not leave, based on  your own wants/needs/desires and your partner won't either.

If you want to grow a happy relationship, that is fulfilling and will be sustainable, you need to invest the time. You need to start figuring out what each others goals and values are and how compatible those are. While I wish there was a short cut into finding out true love on the first date  - there simply isn't. We only know how well we fit together, how trustworthy somebody is and how we feel, when we spend time together and experience what a relationship is like. 

Common goals and the resulting dealbreakers all have to do with what our current life is like and what we want for our future. Kids for example are a common dealbreaker, because you can't have half a kid and you do need to know if you want to them or not. This might not be that urgent when you are in your 20s, but later on it will. Other goals have to do with our families: how much contact do we have, our work: how much time do we spend in our career, our finances: how do we like to spend and our way of life. 

Remember though: people lie about their goals. nobody is going to say: "I want to be a couch potato every weekend", so people tend to say:"it's really important for me to have a healthy body and to exercise and take care of myself". Sometimes this about wanting to look better to a prospective partner (kind of like we'd do in job interviews) and sometimes it's that we think our goals are a certain way but it actually isn't or isn't anymore. 

Dear people,

A lot of us have trouble staying connected to our bodies. When you do spiritual work a lot of it is centered around the higher Chakras. That might mean meditation or visualizations or other ways of connecting to your intuition and higher Power (God/The Universe/Heaven etc.). Yet, we are here on earth, in these bodies and they need attention and care too. So that's why today I'm writing about Body Scans - a technique to stay connected to your body. I've also spoken about this technique in my Dutch Column: Spiritueel Moment: Body Scan.

What is a Body Scan?

A body scan sounds like I'm asking you to have an MRI, but actually, it's a technique to help you connect to your body. Generally speaking, there are two ways to do this technique. One way is to connect through your body, most commonly by tensing and releasing your muscles or by placing your hand upon certain body parts. Another option is to visualize and mentally connect to each area of your body. 

Depending on what you are trying to accomplish, one method might be easier or better then the other, but I highly recommend that you get adept in both of them.

Why do a Body Scan?

Life gets busy and when it does, we usually lose connection to our bodies. We rush through things, forget to eat, have less sleep then we should, the ways in which we can neglect or ignore our bodies messages are almost endless. So then we get surprised by a nasty flu or cold, by how tired we are or why we suddenly snap at somebody. 

By doing a body scan regularly, you notice what is happening within your body and thus within yourself. You can make sure that small ailments don't become bigger, find yourself with more energy an a happier and healthier body. Who needs more reason then that?

When to do a Body Scan

You should definitely regularly do a Body Scan. I'd recommend at least once a month and more often if you find yourself disconnected from your body due to chronic illness, stress or other reasons. You can remind yourself to do it on the first Saturday of the month for example.

Exercise: Body Scan with muscles

If you prefer to listen, you can find a Dutch spoken Body Scan in my Dutch Column: Spiritueel Moment: Body Scan. Read the instructions of this exercise thoroughly and then do the scan step by step.

Breathe in with tensing and breathe out with relaxing if you do a Body Scan with your muscles. I wrote this for an upwards flow, but if you want to do a downwards flow, start at the bottom.  

• Find a comfortable place to lay down or sit down 
• Make sure you aren't disturbed for 10-15 minutes
• Gently tense your toes and then relax them
• Move your feet upwards and then relax them
• Gently tense your calves by moving your feet of the floor and then relax them
• Gently tense your upper legs and then relax them
• Gently tense your glutes (buttocks) and then relax them
• Gently tense your stomach and then relax it
• Gently tense your diaphragm and then relax it
• Gently pull up your shoulders and then relax them
• Gently tense your hands into fists and then relax them 
• Gently tense your jaw and then relax it
• Gently raise your eye brows and then relax them 
  
• End the exercise by sitting quietly for a bit and feel the relaxed state of all those muscles
• Drift off into sleep or get up, drink something and continue your day

Exercise: Body Scan with hands

Make sure you place your hands for at least a full breath in and out on each body part. If you feel the need to linger at a certain spot, do so for as long as needed. You might feel warmth or cold as your hands help your energy flow. 

If you can't comfortably put your hands on a certain part, either move that part closer to you (for example: laying down and touching your feet is impossible, unless you bend your knees) or do the parts with intention until you can easily reach. Do not overextend yourself. I wrote this for an downwards flow, but if you want an upwards flow, start at the bottom to reverse this exercise.

• Find a comfortable place to lay down or sit down 
• Make sure you aren't disturbed for 10-15 minutes
• Place your hands on your head 
• Place your hands on your eyes
• Place your hands on your ears
• Place your hands on your jaws/chin
• Place your hands on your throat/neck
  
• Place your hands on your shoulders (by crossing your arms)
• Place your hands on your upper arms
• Place your hands on your lower arms
• Place your hands on each other
• Place your hands on your breast/breasts
• Place your hands on your belly button/solar plexus
  
• Place your hands on your lower belly
• Place your hands on your lower back
• Place your hands on your hips
• Place your hands on your upper legs
• Place your hands on your knees
• Place your hands on your calves/lower legs
• Place your hands on your feet
• End the exercise by setting quietly for a bit
• Run some water over your hands to clear out any old energy
• Drift off into sleep or get up, drink something and continue your day

Exercise: Body Scan with intention

Dear people,

I love Self Care, because self care is self love. For a lot of people it's really hard to take the time to take care of themselves. Life can get really busy, you might feel obligated to take care of others first or of your household or just forget about your own needs. We tend to forget we can't pour from an empty cup and that we need to prioritize our own well being. If you recognize that, it's time to do some self care! If you have only a minute, check out my Creating Joy: Self Care video.

Three Pillars of Self Care: Eat, Sleep and Relax

I always tell people that before you do other things, we need to make sure that the three pillars of self care are strong and healthy. If we don't do that, we will ultimately crash our health. The bill of neglect always comes due - we can stay upright for a while, but in the end, we can't live without food or sleep. High stress levels will definitely also take their toll. 

So yeah, it's tempting to just forget meals or eat fast food when you are busy, but it's not a healthy long term choice. It's hard to get the right amount of sleep when you are stressed and it seems so much needs to be done or to choose to relax first and pick up work later. Yet, if we do that, we will replenish our own energy reserves and have the time to find better solutions. 

Stressful situations tend to cause decisions being made out of fear, exhaustion or emotional distress. And later one, we'd see that if we had just taken a break, we'd have made better choices. It's very hard to remind ourselves of this though, because the stress and lack of sleep will definitely cloud our judgement. 

If our foundation of self care is solid, it's time to make sure our second level of self care is taken care of. This one is very personal, because what is self care for one person, is deeply annoying for another. For some, a part of self care is connecting to our loved one's and having social time. You can see quite often that when people become parents, some people really need to leave the house and go out, while others are most content just reading a book on the couch or taking some time in the bath tub.  

You are the one person who knows what you need for your well being. Don't drink coffee if you are a tea drinker or force yourself to go out if you need some me-time at home. It's fine to try out new things and see what they do for your well being, but if you have been stressed for a long time, going back to your old time favorites is often the best practice. 

By regularly taking care of your own well being, you will notice it's much easier to be flexible, generous with your time and energy and joyful. If you only do the foundation of self care, after a while, you will notice you have a feeling of discontent. We all need to make sure we do things that make us feel happy!

Last level of Self Care: Soul Purpose

When the first 2 layers of Self Care are solid, it's time for the last level. We have enough energy and vitality to take things on and we are happy enough to deal with more, it's inevitable that we are drawn toward our soul purpose.

If we don't move towards it, after a while, our lives will start feeling meaningless and we wonder what it's all for. So we will find our lessons, our opportunities and our blessings if we choose to connect to them. God, Higher Power, The Universe whatever you feel comfortable with, will continue to offer them up to us. 

If we are very tired still, we might find opportunities to heal, to be pampered or to be cared for. If we are ready to learn, we will find teachers, books, podcasts or other resources. If we are ready to help others and ourselves, we will be called to use our gifts and talents. We don't really need to do anything for our soul purpose, it will just be done through us. So listen, be guided and enjoy!

Self Care exercise 

• Take around 5-10 minutes for this exercise
• Make sure you are comfortable and can't be disturbed by your phone etc.
• Close your eyes 
• First, allow yourself to receive love and care from God/The Universe/Higher Power
  
• Imagine yourself being completely filled with this care
  
• Let is rejuvenate you in body, heart, mind and spirit
• Once you feel completely at peace and cared for thank God/The Universe/Higher Power
  
• Ask for any guidance on how to take care of yourself and listen closely
• You might get inspiration based on food, sleep or other activities
• Gently open your eyes, drink a bit of water and do some grounding 
• Plan your self care activities and hold yourself to it!
  

If you want to share your experience with self care or my exercises, you can email me, post a comment here on the blog or send me a message on the Facebook Fan Page or on Instagram.

Dear people,

Often I'd hear from people that it's bad to be sweet. Sweet is considered being a push-over, unable to set healthy boundaries, being compliant or overly accommodating. It's sad that being sweet is getting such a bad rap nowadays. Especially since sweetness can truly melt our hearts. Who doesn't like seeing sweet baby animals, sweetness of two young lovers etc. etc. So today, let's work on embracing sweetness.

Sweetness in our lives

Of course the most obvious external sweetness for a lot of people is sugar! And with how often it's added in to food, some of us have serious issues with cravings and missing the sweet taste in their life. It's important to realize that true, lasting sweetness is not one that leaves a bitter taste later. So sugar isn't actually adding any sweetness to your life - it just feels that way temporarily. I highly suggest you don't overindulge in sugar if you feel the craving of sweetness in your life. 

So what sweetness can you expect in your life that is pure and good? It could be as simple as a compliment from your boss or your friends, an unexpected gift, a nice smelling flower you encounter or a ray of sunshine that you sit in. Life is filled with sweetness that can be embraced when we see it or try to look for it. I truly believe that God is always creating sweet surprises for us.

Those kind of sweet moments, when life feels so wonderful, can pass you by, be fleeting or embraced to last longer. When we choose to live with awareness, we will find sweetness everywhere and it will fill our cup. You can also try Gratitude work to enhance the sweetness of life or try out the exercise in this blog post.

Sweetness for yourself

Often, people are stuck in their own busyness or critical voice and forget that they can also increase sweetness for themselves. You can build your own positive voice, practice self care or just do something sweet for yourself. When is the last time you gave yourself a gift? Decided to speak about yourself with kindness? Complimented something you did? And of course, watching bunny, cat or dog video's, for a reasonable time, is also a wonderful way to have your heart melt with sweetness.

While it's wonderful if other people bring us sweetness, it's also kind beautiful to gift it to ourselves. It might feel a bit uncomfortable at first - but once you get used to it, it should remind you that sweetness is to be savored.

Sweetness in our relationships

Often people tell me they long to go back to the beginning of their relationships - when their partner was still sweet. How he or she would gift them unexpected surprises, gave them more attention, did sweet things or sweet talked them. So why does that stop? Sometimes people get stuck in a rut, they might stop wooing their partner or (which is most likely) they are stuck in resentment.

So what happens if we let sweetness return in our relationships? If we do, it's easier for our partners to forgive us our mistakes, to treat us with grace and to feel like we contributing in positive ways in our lives. Do you always have to be sweet? Definitely not - but when we choose to consciously be sweet, we are enhancing our relationships. 

True sweetness is also sweet to us. You aren't buying a gift out of guilt, you are buying one because you have a sweet memory that you'd like to share (these used to be my favorite snack!) or you want to create something sweet for your partner (I saw them and I know you love them). And thus, the sweetness you give to your partner, is also creating sweetness in you. You get happier seeing their excitement, gratitude or joy. 

Besides romantic relationships, it's also wonderful to creating sweetness in all relationships. Again, don't do it out of obligation, guilt or fear. Just respond with sweetness: gifts, compliments, support, kindness etc. whenever you can. You will see your friendships, working relationships etc. flourish.

Sweetness exercise 

• Take around 10-15 minutes for this exercise
• Make sure you are comfortable and can't be disturbed by your phone etc.
• Close your eyes 
• First, allow yourself to receive sweetness from God/The Universe/Higher Self/Higher Power
• Imagine yourself being completely drenched in the sweetness of life
• It flows over you like a shower of multicolored rain and removes all guilt, fear and resentment
• Once you have drunk your fill - it's time to share the sweetness with the people in your life
• Imagine gifting everybody you care about this sweetness
• See it transform their lives
• Open yourself up to inspiration - you might get some good ideas for sweet acts for yourself or others
• Thank Higher Power
  
• Gently open your eyes, drink a bit of water and do some grounding 
• Plan your acts of sweetness so you will do them within a reasonable time frame
  

If you want to share your experience with sweetness or my exercises, you can email me, post a comment here on the blog or send me a message on the Facebook Fan Page or on Instagram.

Dear people,

I've already written some Inner Child Energy Affirmations, have a Creating Joy: Inner Child video and spoken about Inner Child Work in my Dutch Column and you can listen to Inner Child - Reflective Moments, but today I'm writing about it again. That's because I find Inner Child work so important. When our Inner Child doesn't get what it needs, we either have childish tantrums and self sabotage or feelings of depression and meaninglessness. Play is so important. So, today, let's do some Inner Child work!

Inner Child

What is our Inner Child? Spiritually speaking, a lot of people believe that we have this Archetype or part of us that needs nurturing, safety, time, energy and attention. If we had a rough childhood, our Inner Child often has a lot of needs that have been neglected. Giving ourselves what we need, heals in deep ways, that help us find a better balance.

Yet even people who have had great childhoods have an Inner Child who has needs. I am on the side of C.S. Lewis who said: "When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up." We all need wonder, amazement, innocence, creativity, passion, trust and play just like we did in our childhood. 

Why do Inner Child Work

For one: it's nice to be balanced. Secondly, it's wonderful to have that inner child energy running through your life. And last, but not least, most humans have a tendency to take things too seriously, to get stuck in to-do lists and forget the meaning of life. 

Allow this youthful energy in your life revitalizes you and allows you to connect to yourself in a deeper way. And you can connect with people of all ages. A lot of energy healers have a youthful demeanor and/or youthful energy. It's because they are able to connect to this energy.

Doing Inner Child work also helps greatly to reduce our childish behaviors: tantrums, anger, unable to say sorry, unable to admit faults or  mistakes, rebelling, you first mentality or quid pro quo mentality. This behavior sabotages our adult connection. What we are willing to accept from children of teenagers, we won't accept from adults. 

When we are harmed in our childhoods, we sometimes stay stuck in childish behaviors. Or if we feel harmed in the same way again, we return back to that childhood state. Sometimes people are aware of the fact that they are acting like a 3, 5 or 12 year old. Sometimes it's a subconscious response. Yet in both cases doing Inner Child work will help heal us.

Inner child work ideas:

While it's nice to spend 15 minutes in meditation/manifestation or visualization, sometimes it's much simpler to reconnect to our Inner Child and access this energy within us. 

So here is a small list of ideas:

• Take the time to play (with childhood toys, with something you never got in childhood, but still long for)
• Take the time to connect to nature or animals with the wonder of a child
• Take the time to return to childhood hobby's or activities! Enjoy those nerf guns or that swing.
  
• Eat childhood favorites
• Have breakfast for dinner or eat your dessert first  
• Go to bed late 
• Have a pillow fort or sleep over
• Watch TV from your childhood
• Give your Inner Child room to tell you what it needs/wants

 Inner child work exercise:

• Take around 10-20 minutes for this exercise
• Make sure you are comfortable and can't be disturbed by your phone etc.
• Close your eyes
  
• Imagine yourself as a child
  
• Allow that child to be the age that is necessary for your healing - baby, toddler, child, tween, teenager etc.
• Simply hug that part of yourself and give it your love
• Tell that part you are proud
• Ask what this part of you needs from you
• Listen carefully
• Discuss if you can give that at this moment or at a later time
• Allow the Inner Child energy to revitalize you
• Say goodbye
• Gently open your eyes, drink a bit of water and do some grounding 
• Do what you promised or plan to do it in the agreed upon timeframe
  

If you want to share your experience with inner child work or my exercises, you can email me, post a comment here on the blog or send me a message on the Facebook Fan Page or on Instagram.  Or post a comment below the YouTube video's: Creating Joy: Inner Child, Inner Child - Reflective Moments or Inner Child Work in my Dutch Column.