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Psychic Healer Rianne Collignon's blog: posts about spiritual lessons, her work and her services
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Dear People,

Often in our lives we experience pain. Pain can exist on all levels: physical, emotional, mental and even spiritual. Some anguish can be so difficult that it feels like our soul is dying or we are. A lot of people try to suppress, evade or even ignore pain, but in the end all pain serves a purpose. Today I'm writing about some of these purposes so you can choose to learn the lesson and let go of your pain. I also included an exercise because letting go of pain helps us immediately gain more energy, happiness and peace.

Pain as a warning
Even children sometimes learn the lesson of pain the best by experiencing it as a warning. You can tell them a 100 times not to touch because it's hot, but once touched, they often learn immediately not to do it again. Adults also still learn in this way - sometimes we get warnings that something or someone is bad for us, but we move forward anyway. We need to get burnt to make sure we take ourselves, our intuition and our warnings seriously.

The resulting pain is a potent reminder for us that what we are doing isn't right and that we need to change course. It reminds us to trust our instincts, intuition or the friends who warned us. The remembrance of this pain will help us make much better decisions, but keeping the pain alive to punish ourselves or to stay in victim mode is unhealthy.

Pain as a lesson in what matters
Sometimes we don't know how much we appreciate something or someone until it's gone. Losing out is deeply hurtful. When our expectations aren't met we recognize how much they mattered to us. It might mean that we really want to be treated with respect or that we want somebody to be our friend or approve of us.

While of course we aren't happy, this pain gives us important information on what matters to us most. What we should spend time, energy and attention on. Jealousy or envy is also a pain that shows us what matters; after all, when we want what others have, it shows us what matters to us.

Pain as a trigger of change
One of the most annoying pains is the one of guilt or resentment. On one hand we have done something we aren't proud of (so we feel guilty) in the other we feel the other person hasn't done their part (we feel resentment). These types of pain can be a trigger of change in the behavior in ourselves.

We will most likely choose to treat another person with more respect or kindness next time we encounter a similar situation, because nobody likes the sting of guilt. We also might choose not to move into sacrifice or communicate clearly with others so we don't feel resentment.

Exercise: Processing Pain
Set aside at least 15-20 minutes to do this exercise. You might also like some alone time after this, to settle yourself. If you know you have problems accessing your emotions, you can use a crystal, music or other aids to help you access a safe space.
  • Breathe deeply in and out a few times
  • Say aloud: "I am in pain" 2-3 times to access the pain that's been bothering you
  • Place one hand on the place where you feel this pain
  • If possible, place the other hand on a place of strength (solar plexus Chakra, heart Chakra, outside item)
  • Say aloud: "I choose to know the purpose of my pain"
  • If the pain lessens, place the strength hand on your Crown Chakra and listen
  • If the pain doesn't lessen, move back to the previous place of just feeling your pain or ask that your pain might be lifted/processed 
  • Once you have heard the purpose, it's time to completely let go of the pain
  • Say aloud: "I chose to let go of this pain or I free myself of this pain"
  • You can symbolically cleanse yourself, move the pain towards a Guide, Angels, The Universe, God or any other source of good. 
  • Sit quietly until you feel at peace
Want to get rid of some stubborn pain or share your experience with this exercise? Talk to me in the practice, leave a message on the blog or Facebook Fan Page.
Dear People,

One way or another we all have to confront grief in our lives. We can find it in many forms from the grief of a child that you can't have what you want till the heavy grief of losing a loved one. Grief is a part of life that can become heavy very fast. We might want to suppress it because of that, but then it will pop up unexpectedly and subconsciously influence our behavior. 

So today I'm writing some EFT sentences to allow grief to have it's place in our lives, to help with the feelings that come up when we grieve (anger, sadness, feeling like nothing matters, etc.) and to help move on from grief. If your grief is overwhelming, please seek help.
Allowing grief
Even though I don't want to allow grief in my life, I know I need to feel my feelings and process this
Even though I want to hide from my grief, I choose to process it
Even though I'm afraid my grief will overwhelm me, I choose to process it bit by bit
Even though it might feel comfortable to distract myself, I choose to process my grief
Even though I don't want to deal with my grief, I choose to process it

Processing stages of grief
Even though I want to deny my loss, I choose to confront it anyway
Even though I want to pretend I'm not hurting, I choose to process my feelings
Even though I want to remove myself from my grief, I choose to process my feeling
Even though I'm angry about my loss, I choose to process my anger
Even though I'm angry and frustrated, I choose to move on
Even though I'm angry at X, I choose to forgive and move on
Even though I want to pretend nothing is wrong, I choose to seek help
Even though I want to pretend I'm not hurting, I choose to accept my feelings
Even though this loss has me feeling depressed, I choose to see meaning in my life
Even though I might struggle with depressing feelings, I choose to see joy in my life

Even though I don't like my grief, I choose to accept it
Even though I don't like grieving, I choose to accept it as a part of life
Even though I can't accept my grief, I choose to open up to it
Even though I have a hard time grieving, I accept that it's necessary

Want to chat about grief or share your own story? Post a message on the blog, Facebook Fan Page or e-mail me for a personalized EFT sentence!

Dear People,

I think all of us would love it when people would just easily respect our boundaries. A clear no is a clear no and not a start of a negotiation. An explanation of our reasons is a way to foster understanding and not a discussion on the validity of those reasons. Sadly, boundary stomping exists and while some of it is done unintentionally, not all of it is. So here is an article to deal better with people who won't respect our boundaries or who try to test if we are willing to keep to them.

Boundary testing: not respecting a No
Your boss has asked you to work on a day that you can't. You said no. He put you on the schedule anyway. What do you do?  In other relationships we might encounter this by people saying: "I already told X that you would do that" or somebody sending out an e-mail out to everybody stating you offered your help.

People who won't respect a no count on the fact that we are too afraid to make a fuss, too scared to stand our ground and that we will fold if they pretend not to hear our no. They count on the fact that we don't want to make them look foolish or ourselves bad. However it's not bad to do what is right for us. And if somebody in authority misuses that authority it's time to find another job or to complain to a higher up.

Boundary testing: not respecting valid reasons
Suppose that you are being asked to come to a family BBQ, but that day simply won't work for you. You have to work late, you are near the end of an important deadline and you are exhausted. So you are sad that you will miss it and you think that if you just explain why, your mother is going to understand.

Only instead of saying: "Too bad, hope to see you another time", she starts to test how firm your boundary is. She might tell you that you need to keep your family close, that your work life balance is rotten, that your little niece is so looking forward to seeing you etc. etc. Every argument or guilt trip makes you feel upset, but.. will it make you waver on your boundary, that your choice is to skip this event?

If we do let ourselves be guilt tripped or manipulated into choices that aren't right for us, we are teaching people that if they just test our boundaries, just push and push and push, we give in. So, stand your ground. Hang up, walk away or start repeating the same answer over and over (I'm not coming this time). If your no stays a no, the boundary testing will become less in time as people notice that you won't be persuaded into a yes.

Boundary testing: getting you to argue
Another hurtful way of testing your boundaries is to try to get you into a discussion or argument. Suppose you said you wouldn't do something and instead of accepting that the other person makes disparaging remarks about your character or the way you behaved.

You might feel obligated to defend yourself, your reasons and your decisions. They are hoping that they can make you relent, that they can find a chink in your armor and often also feel happy that they get you upset or worked up.

The best way to keep these boundary testers at bay is to let go of the need to have the last word. Just let them argue into thin air while you do what's right for you. You don't need their support, understanding or cooperation, so don't seek it.

Trouble keeping your boundaries strong or want to share a story? Post a comment on the blog or on the Facebook Fan Page. Send me an e-mail or talk to me in the practice.

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