Welcome at Flow of Miracles

Dear People,

Recently I have had a few clients who have asked me this question so I thought I'd write it down so I can refer clients to this explanation in the future.

Why do I need to heal before I can make this decision?
Very regularly I have clients in the practice who have been struggling with a (major) decision. Some of those are decisions are choices that we might experience as well (changes in career, changes in relationship status, changes in health care) and others might be choices we will never encounter.

Often they want me to help them make the decision and if it's a matter of more information I will gladly give that, but if it's a matter of healing, I will always recommend healing. The more we struggle with a choice, the likelier it is that something is blocking us. Once the blockage is healed, we can take an informed decision that is in tune with ourselves. True healing brings choice.

Here are some examples:

Example 1: Trauma is directly blocking one true decision
Buying a car can be a major expense for your household so buying a car that suits your needs is paramount. Most of the time people will have a clear idea of a budget, go for a few test drives and then buy the car they feel is the best choice.

However, if you have had a negative experience concerning cars like a serious accident, the buying of a car can become much more difficult. You might not feel comfortable in any car you test drive. You might start finding reasons why a car is not so necessary or why none of the cars are ever good enough. In the end you will spend a lot of time concerning this decision and will probably end up not liking any choice you make (waiting, buying or not buying), because none are satisfactory. This is a huge clue that healing is necessary.

When trauma is directly blocking a decision most people will recognize the extreme amount of energy the decision takes and will often tell me the reason (trauma) as they are aware of it themselves. Usually one session to release the trauma is enough to free the energy and open the road to that true decision.

Example 2: Prolonged trauma is causing extreme doubt concerning a major decision
We are often told how important it is to make the right decision if it's a major one that has an impact on our lives for years to come. I know I will tell my kids how important it is to choose freely and adapt their choices when necessary instead of placing the emphasis making on the right choice. The right choice changes all the time due to circumstances and growth within ourselves.

The major decision that comes up often with clients is concerning relationships. Usually the relationship is in trouble (sometimes for years) and they want to know if they should stay or go. Often the reason they have not left is because there are still romantic feelings, there are kids or the relationship is not that bad, but also not that good. When none of the decisions (stay, leave, wait) are satisfactory I always recommend healing.

Many people have tried to save their relationships by stopping behavior that they need to feel good, by making themselves smaller or by doing things that are so far out of their comfort zone that it saps their strength and energy. When you have lost yourself like that, you can not make a decision that is right. It's absolutely impossible, because you have ceased to be the whole you.

Usually I recommend at least 3-5 session to return towards balance within yourself. During this time, often the relationship changes as well. Relationships are bonds based on two people, so when one changes, the other in necessity has to change as well. In some cases, the changes within one partner were enough to save the relationship without any further work, in other cases some work together or for the other partner was needed and in some cases the only right and healthy choice was leaving.

Example 3: Prolonged trauma is causing extreme doubt concerning all decisions
Very rarely I have a client with a long history of abuse or multiple traumas. When I do, it's always a long term work together, as many aspects of their lives are affected. One of those aspects is often the inability to make decisions. When we are very traumatized we lose sight of who we are and since that is necessary to make true decisions progress in life is often blocked.

I usually start by healing root/core issues concerning the abuse and starting the road to small decisions like what type of food do I like, what type of hobbies would I like to do gradually moving up to bigger decisions.

Usually this type of work is a long commitment, because decade long abuse can't be undone within a few sessions. It's extremely helpful when there is a strong support network (friends and family) and a professional healing network. If those are not available I will work with clients to start the road towards those networks.