True Aid: Step 1 Don't take charge
We are all responsible for our own happiness, for our own feelings and for our own lives. So, if at this moment, your life is not the way you want it to be: take charge and start the work that is necessary. That doesn't mean that you deserve the bad things that have happened to you or that you should feel guilty. We are all human and we all make mistakes that we need to correct.
When we want to help others, we often can try to take charge of the problem. We think that we know better so we try to shoulder the burden and solve the problem. This completely depletes us and soon we start feeling resentful. At the same time, the people we are trying to help do not learn their lesson and start to become more and more needy and dependent. It's a lose-lose situation.
A short example: If you have a partner that doesn't seem to be able to deal with their finances, it's tempting to try to take charge. You might choose to give them an allowance or check their finances now and again. You might offer money to help them out when they are in trouble.
All of these things are Quick Fixes, because it doesn't change the fundamental problem: Your loved one should take charge of their money problems and learn how to spend money responsibly. Sooner or later they will mess up again and you need to either play savior (which depletes yourself and keeps them dependent) or feel like there is nothing you can do.
So, what can you do? In this example, True Aid means you either steer somebody to a professional to get aid (in this case a financial adviser) or you will do the work together with them and explain how to budget and keep to it. Then you let them try for themselves and won't step in when the inevitable mistake gets made. After all, nobody does everything right 100% of the time. Over time you will see improvements if your loved one really wants to learn.
Check carefully if you are giving somebody True Aid or if you are at the moment handling out Quick Fixes.
To find out you ask yourself:
- Is there somebody in your life that makes you feel depleted or that you feel is very needy?
- Are their tasks you are doing that actually don't belong to you?
True Aid: Step 2 Identify the structural problem
When people are ready to have help in a situation, they will ask. Before that time, it's just our job to protect our boundaries. Are you tired of hearing people vent, please change the topic of the conversation, but don't press aid upon them!
Once they ask for help, be honest. Don't try to be kind first, because then we have a tendency to smudge the truth by saying things like: "I'm sure you are doing all you can" or "I trust things will resolve themselves". When your loved one has a structural problem, the thing they need from us first and foremost, is the truth. That can be discomfiting, because we have to tell people we love that they should take responsibility for the problem and how they are enabling their problems. Be as kind as possible, while being honest.
It might surprise you that your loved one actually recognizes the structural problem, but felt uncomfortable talking about it or unable to see what they can do about it. Or that your idea of the structural problem is not their idea. This offers opportunities to deepen your bond together and learn from each other.
True Aid: Step 3 Discussing potential solutions
Once you have helped identify the problem, you can give true Aid by discussing potential solutions. Sometimes your loved one is too angry to listen to a potential solution and that's fine. Just shelve it for another time. Structural problems don't go away and your loved one might need to struggle with it for a bit longer, before wanting to solve it.
There are many potential solutions for structural problems, but most of them include:
- Analyzing why you are in this pattern
- Analyzing your past (is there something there that is causing these problems)
- What is this pattern giving you?
- What is this pattern taking from you?
- Is there a professional that can support you in solving this problem?
- Do you have the skills to solve this or do you need to learn something first?
True Aid: Step 4 Step Back and be supportive!
This is the most important aspect of True Aid. Step back. You have done all you can. Don't fall in the trap of wanting to set up meetings, discuss some more or hounding your loved one into getting a professional to help them. Don't fall into temptation to fix it for them.
You said your piece, you did your part, step back and let them fix it. While they fix it, be supportive by being there when mistakes are made or when your loved one feels disappointed. Over time, your loved one will learn or move to a level that's appropriate for them.
Well, the Monthly Readings aren't really on time that much anymore, but I do quite like them so I will suffer the fact that I seem to be always 1 Month behind! For this Reading I chose the Housewives Tarot. I adore this little Deck because it's spunky, retro and funny. I decided to go with the big Spread called: "The Martini" (did I mention funny already?) for this Reading which you guessed already, is in the shape of a Martini.
Oh, a lovely lovely Major Arcana. In this Deck she is represented by an older mom figure which holds up a book called: Recipes for Success". I do find that the practice is very succesfull at the moment. I'm adoring my clients, the workshops and the courses, but... I don't think I'm there yet! She has a lot of food on the table and that sadly, isn't the case yet for me!
What is my present expectation: Nine of Pentacles Rx
This card shows a woman who has a dishwasher for a body, picking out just on plate, but she is busy with many inside of her. Yes, I do expect a lot of work! I hope to not be the only one though, and have some help getting those plates (ideas, opportunities) out. I still have some workshops and other things on the slow burn. I don't think they will move along as quickly as I would like.
What is the unexpected that may happen: The Emperor
Oh, that's funny, the Empress and the Emperor are both next to each other now. Well, it would be a nice surprise to have someone take a strong interest in the Practice and to build something together! I have an inkling who this might be, but I'm not telling...
What is the Practice's Past: The Devil Rx
Many people do not like the Devil as a card, but in this Deck she is a chocolate pie, but sexy legs! I always grin when I see her. The Devil is not such a bad card at all, although it might shock. I've been working with Cards for years, so I know how to get the important message from each of them.
Devil in this Deck is really about materialism and I know it hasn't been about that for me in the past - hence the hike up in price to make things work for me. It's an admonishment that I have to take into account that I need to earn enough to live!
What is in the Practice's Future: 8 of Cups
This card shows a woman wiping her forehead and a stack of 8 Cups. Phew, it looks like a lot of work is in the future. As well as some decision making - 8 Cups are too much for me. Although perfect for workshops (in which 8 people is my max).
Difficulties I'm facing: 9 of Wands
Funny how 9 of Wands is the typical exhaustion card, although in this case the woman looks totally zen on top of a ladder. I do need to choose were to put in my time and energy though, echoing the future Card. All in all, not the toughest difficulty to face!
My responsibilities: 6 of Pentacles Rx
This Card seems to depict Halloween, with a child dressed up like a little Devil in front of a plate of cookies. Hmmm, it's my responsibility to keep things between me and my clients even. Sometimes I wish I could work for free and I do a lot of things on the side, but it can't always be that way - or I'd have no cookies left.
What will oppose me: Wheel of Fortune
Sometimes things are just luck of the draw. No matter how well prepared you are - sometimes 2 people turn up sick and your workshop consists of 1 person only. Sometimes I have a hard time dealing with unpredictability, as I tend to predict quite a lot. I guess I will have to deal with it!
What will help me: Page of Cups Rx
A lovely boy is watering Sunflowers! Although I might not always see the results of my clients spreading the word about me, I do know that they do. It might be a bit delayed, but, loving comments will help me move forward.
Hope and Fears: 8 of Wands Rx
When I saw this card I really had to laugh - this one of my old pitfalls. I always worry that things aren't going fast enough or are going too fast! Balance is important to me, but I do need to let go and move with the Flow some more!
What Course of Action to take: 4 of Cups
A woman backs away from a huge offered glass filled with some cocktail and a sword. It shows me that I have to work on accepting new things in my life and at the same time, make sure I do not overdo it. The Cup is almost as big as the woman!
Surroundings or how others see you: The Sun
Oh, such a sweet card, a man is looking pleased being served a good plate of food and a sun with two eggs for eyes is shining above him. So good to know that people around me love my energy and good nature and the nurture I bring.
What you will achieve: 8 of Swords Rx
The poor woman is strapped to a pick and used to serve up an olive. Well, I'm glad if I will achieve the fact that I won't be in there! It shows me that I have to be careful what choices and decisions I make, so I won't end up here.
Overall
The message seems to be very clear: a very balanced Spread with Wands, Cups, Swords and Pentacles and quite some Majors. I have to make some important decisions about the direction of the practice, workshops and classes I'm going to give (and take) and to make sure I don't overdo it!
I decided to start a new series, besides the Questions from the Practice, Healing Thoughts and Monthly Readings. This is because I noted that many people seem to think that a Psychics Life is really hard and tell me often they wouldn't want to have mine. They are concerned about the repercussions of knowing so much information about others and dealing with so many feelings besides your own. While it's true that sometimes things can be hard, most of the time being a Psychic is FANTASTIC. In this series I will tell you what is really wonderful about my Psychic Life!
Joys of a Psychic Life: Gift Giving
I often hear from people how hard it is to find that perfect gift for your spouse, loved one or that colleague that you hardly know but turns 50 in a few weeks. Maybe you recognize this in your own life too! However, for me, Gift Giving is often extremely easy. This happens because of several Psychic Gifts I have.
The Idea Connection
As a Psychic my intuition is sky high - which often means that when I think about a person and think about the occasion the idea just pops into my head! Oh, I just have to get this for him/her and it will be PERFECT.
Often people are surprised at what I come up with, because it was something they just thought about the other day! Now how did I know that? This usually gives me a satisfied grin!
Push in the right Direction
Sometimes I do not have a good idea pop into my head. I sometimes ask people what they want to have or if they have some gift ideas. Some want money, so then I just spend my time looking for a nice card. So here I am, a bit out of sorts that my idea hasn't popped yet, when I find myself holding an item that I just know is PERFECT.
Sometimes I find myself in front of a store and I don't quite get what I need to do there, but then the perfect gift is there. Just the right push!
So yes, I get a lot of compliments on the gifts I select, even though, contrary to most people, I usually don't spend a lot of time thinking about it. Sometimes however, I do think about it, meaning I then mess up and buy something that isn't that wanted! It always reminds me to just take a break and let my intuition take over.