Life isn't only compliments, sometimes you will receive criticism and complaints, so today I'm writing on how to deal with those in a healing manner. Criticism can be used to foster understanding and to improve ourselves.
Step 1: Don't take it personally
Whenever somebody criticizes us or whenever we receive a complaint, always give yourself a moment to breathe. Relax into the moment and realize that just because somebody thinks you did something wrong or you should have done something better, doesn't mean that you are a bad person, that you did something wrong or that you are worthless.
You often see representatives of companies forget this step and respond to complaints or criticism with anger, with personal attacks or dismissing the client. In this day and age, where you can easily spread the word of how you were treated in a myriad of ways, this is a really bad thing and it's very unprofessional. However, it's still a very human thing to do.
If you notice yourself reacting this way - please tell the other person that you are noticing that you are taking it personally when you shouldn't and that you need a little time out. Respond back when you are calmer. If you are in a business setting you can always tell the other person that you need some time to reflect on their feedback and that you will get back to them. Return to them when you are in a calmer frame of mind and don't forget to check why you took it so personally. Usually the reason we do so is because we heard that criticism very often in the past, we didn't succeed in solving the issue before, we don't want to be a certain way or we feel insecure. Working on that will help you take criticisms the way they are intended: as a way to understand each other better and to improve ourselves.
Resolution A: The criticism has merit in your eyes
When you reflected on if you think the criticism, you agreed it had merit. It might be something you are already working on, something that you wanted to work on but wasn't that high priority or something new that you understand needs to be addressed.
If you agree, then of course, it's easy to acknowledge that you feel that it's something you need to work on. Apologize for the situation, discuss tips on how to tackle the problem and do some research yourself on how to improve that part of your life or personality. You can ask the other person to keep holding you accountable and that it's not nagging when they talk about the issue again, as change doesn't usually happen within just one day. Thank them every time they bring it up.
Resolution B: The criticism has no merit in your eyes
Maybe you don't find the criticism to have merit, because you feel that somebody is overly sensitive, you feel that you can't be expected to do that or know that or you feel that your work is fine. While it can be challenging to deal with criticisms or complaints that you feel have no merit it's very important to do so. If you don't deal with it, your relationship with that person will deteriorate.
To find common ground explain your side of the story. Allow the other person to understand where you are coming from. Foster more understanding on both sides. Discuss options on compromise to make both parties happy. If you can't seem to find a compromise, maybe it's better to take your business elsewhere or to stop being friends. Stay committed to who you want to be.
Example: Always being late
So you don't have the best time keeping skills and you tend to be late and now somebody has criticized you about it. It might be your boss, co-worker, a business you frequent or your friends.
If you feel they are right and you do want to change, resolution A, might entail buying an extra alarm clock, discussing how to properly manage your time or finding ways to make sure your daily planner isn't overflowing.
If you feel that coming late shouldn't be an issue, resolution B, might mean that you discussing calling when you are more then 5 minutes late, meeting in places where the other person can conveniently wait, picking somebody up at home or asking the other person to arrive 10-15 minutes later as you don't mind waiting.
Example: Not caring about birthdays
So you don't really remember birthdays and you feel that you are too old to be bothered with them anyway. For you, birthdays are for kids, but one of your friends or family members has complained time and time again that they feel upset you don't call or do anything for their birthday.
If you feel they are right and you do want to change, resolution A, might entail putting a birthday calendar in your bathroom or toilet or using one on your phone. You might also decide to put in an extra alarm on your phone or buy a few birthday cards in advance so you can easily send them out.
If you feel that birthdays just shouldn't be an issue, resolution B, might mean that you just do something special for the one person who cares about it, that you explain that you are fine with bringing a gift if there is a celebration, but you won't be calling on the day itself or sending out a card. It might also mean that you decide that this friendship isn't working out.
Want to share a story of how being criticized helped you? Post a comment on the Blog, Facebook Fan Page or tell me in the practice.
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