Welcome at Flow of Miracles

Dear people,

In a perfect world everybody would be completely bonded with their birth families and stay consciously connected to each other. It would mean that we are all loved, treasured and cherished. Spiritual people know we are all connected and bonded, but living that truth is a lot more difficult. That starts with bonding with our children which has become increasingly more difficult in the last decades. Parents are often extremely busy and then shamed and it's though to get the help you need if you notice a healthy bond isn't forming. So today I'm writing about some bonding stories I've helped with and give some tips. 

Bonding with our children - during pregnancy

It's very very human to have difficulties bonding with our children during pregnancy for parents. The parent not carrying the baby can feel extremely shut out of the whole process. There isn't much to see, do or touch and if the pregnancy is difficult, it's though to stay connected to your partner, let alone the baby.

I've also seen the parent who is carrying the baby have bonding problems. There can be many reasons why there is a fear to bond - sometimes it's due to not believing a baby is really coming (due to IUI/IVF, fertility issues or anxiety), miscarriages in the past or sometimes when a pregnancy is a surprise (late in finding out/not planned).

The most important thing I tell my clients is to give themselves some grace and kindness. A lot of them feel enormous guilt in not bonding or doing the things that they think they should be doing or even should have done. Sometimes people still feel this lack of bonding years after their children are born and carrying this into their now and future. I use my True Unity technique to release those feelings and to reestablish the bond in the past. During that process they often access memories that they forgotten they had like talking to the belly or baby and realize that they have done some bonding. 

I still remember the relief on the clients face who had suffered multiple miscarriages and told me she felt so guilty for not being 'on cloud 9' now that she was pregnant again. I told her that it was absolutely ok to experience the pregnancy in the way she was. That she might get that feeling after she passed certain milestones (12 weeks, 20 weeks, 24 weeks), but that if she didn't, that was perfectly ok. She was human and accepting her journey was what was best for her and her baby.

Bonding with our children - birth journey

While it would be absolutely lovely if everybody's birth journey would be effortless and wonderful, the harsh reality is that they aren't. They can be traumatic, painful, upsetting or even end in death. It's though to connect with the truth of that, but that means that often people experience shaming and can't express themselves to friends and families. If you don't say: "It was all worth it", there must be something wrong with you is the recurring thought. 

Birth can absolutely be scary and becoming disassociated from your body or the process is just a way to feel safer or try to disconnect from a possible loss. That also means that even though the baby is the star of the show, the bonding can't take place. In some cases the aftermath is that bad that common traditions or after care can't take place and risks of postnatal depression rise. 

You can't go back in time, but you can reclaim this bonding. I did this with one of my clients who had a traumatic birth and health issues for days after. We had a lot of healing to do, especially around the pain and fear she suffered. However, something that many people would consider minor, was painful for her. She expressed how sad she was that she didn't get the customary Dutch birth celebration of treat of Beschuit met Muisjes (a biscuit with butter and a type of sweet topping). We accepted that we can't right the past, but how about creating it in the future? She was really happy with the idea of celebrating with this treat and creating the bonding experience at home of celebrating the birth, even though it was years after the fact. After all it wasn't about the treat, but about the fact she never had the joyous occasion of celebrating her birth. 

Bonding with our children - when they trigger us

It's super though to bond with your child when they drive you insane. They push your buttons or they are going through the exact same pain you went through and you feel devastated that the pattern continues. You also might notice you are acting in exactly the same way as your parents, the kind of behavior you swore you'd never do. It's though to stay in a mindset of love and bonding, while you truly would like to be as far away as possible. 

If you don't heal the wound in yourself, you can't bond with your child at some level. Your pain will become their pain and it will pass onto a new generation. A lot of people feel intense guilt at that idea and that makes it even harder to deal with the truth of the situation. It's normal to want to shy away from something so painful, but if you want to heal you need to confront it. 

I had a grandparent visit me for healing, because he was devastated that he was acting just like his father. He'd missed most of the earlier years of his children, due to work, but now, being retired, he'd want to play and be present and bond with his grandchildren. He noticed how he was often yelling at them, correcting them in play due to perfectionism and frankly was disgusted with himself. We worked through the support he himself had missed as a child, reconnected him with his own inner child, so he could be the grandfather he wanted to be. He was happy to report increased patience, joy and bonding with his grandchildren and due to that, also his children.

What do I recommend in restoring bonding

There are many things you can do, first of which would be to have a session of course, but you can also do a True Unity Healing Video at home or listen to one of my Manifestation Meditations. 

You can also restore bonding by recovering pieces of lost bonding from your past, connecting with your own inner child or to meet your children where they are at. For bonding, all we need is love, time, effort and energy. As human beings, we have all of that. I highly recommend you spend time with your children in ways that make them feel connected to you and you feel connected to them.

If you want to share a bonding activity or your thoughts, leave a comment on this Blog, my Facebook Fan Page or contact me on Instagram.

Share On