Welcome at Flow of Miracles

Dear People,

I've already talked a bit about compatibility when it came to friendships, but compatibility is also an important ingredient in romantic relationships. I've seen a lot of people desperately trying to hold their romantic relationship together with love and effort and then finding out that this isn't working. Compatibility can also change throughout a relationship, which makes it an important pulse on how you are doing as a couple.

This is the type of compatibility a lot of people will warn each other about. Make sure you both figure out if you want kids is a frequent topic in certain age categories. If you want very different things with your life, that's just a problem waiting to happen. Some goals you can compromise on, but others you can not. You can't have half a child. 

Goals do tend to change though - what we find important in our 20ies is not the same as in our 30ies or 40ies. By talking regularly about our goals, we can keep our relationship healthy. A partner who helps you reach your goals is worth their weight in gold. If goals are incompatible, partners will naturally start to drift apart or the relationship will blow up when an important goal won't be reached.

Values are different from goals in the fact that they usually don't change much. People who find honesty important will continue to do so. People who find family life important will continue to invest time in their families. Often it's hard to see what our values are until we have a confrontation with a mismatch in values. That's because values feel natural to us, so we never quite think of how others might perceive this.

Talking through situations, ethics or your past together will help show each other what you value in your life and how you like to live it. It helps to show each other what kind of commitment you are looking for, what your perfect relationships wold look like. When values are compatible, the relationship will feel natural and easy, if values are very incompatible, partners will be judgemental, angry and frustrated with each other.

A lot of people know communication is key in relationships, but seem to think that there is a way to create communication even if there is no compatibility. While it's true that we can improve our communication, learn about our partners communication style and try to match, communication styles can be incompatible. This can happen due to old trauma, but also just due to how people like to talk to each other.

 

If the communication is incompatible, both partners will continue to feel misunderstood and problems in the relationship won't be resolved. It's especially difficult if goals and values are compatible, but the communication is not. 

 

There are of course other forms of compatibility which are nice to have in your relationship. Two night owls have more fun and ease then a night owl and an early bird. Compatibility in lifestyle makes it's easier to create something together, but when people ask me what they truly need to make a relationship work, I talk about the basics of a strong, growing and healthy relationship: love, trust, values, goals, communication.

Want to ask how compatible your relationship is or know more about how to evaluate your compatibility with a prospective partner? Ask me for a relationship Reading or talk to me in the practice.