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Dear People,

A while ago I talked to several people about the differences between approval, understanding and love. When we are kids, our parents approval equal to their love, as we receive rewards and kindness when they approve of our behavior. Understanding seems also very closely linked to care, as we seem to think that when people understand us they care and if they care, they'd understand us. Sometimes people feel that if you understand, you'd approve, but that isn't always the case.

Seeing these three as separate entities will help you receive the love people have for you, even if you don't get their approval or understanding

Approval
Approval literally means the action of approving something or the belief that something is good or acceptable. If you look back upon your own life, you might have found actions from your loved one's that you didn't approve off, while it didn't negate or diminish your love for them at all. An extreme form of disapproval for example is that we all know that people do not approve of drug use, but you need only look at how devastated families with an addict in it are to recognize that there certainly is love involved.

It's also extremely interesting to see who you feel you need approval from. If you still need your parents approval, then on some level, it almost always means that you want their love instead. Focus on why you haven't felt their love, connect to their love and you will notice your need for approval will disappear. If you want the approval of your boss, your partner or your child, you might have issues with self-confidence or self-worth.

Next time when somebody disapproves of you, notice how it affects you and recognize that you still have their love. Focus on that path you want to walk and the human being you want to be. Often people disapprove of what they conceive are risks that are too great, but that are absolutely right for the person involved. Also freely understand that when you disapprove of something, you are still able to love the person.

Understanding
Understanding literally means sympathetic awareness or tolerance. It means that you can empathize with somebody, but doesn't mean that you approve or give zero consequences. So people can understand that you are late because you overslept, but still make a note on your record.

Asking for people's understanding and then trying to force them to 'see it your way', 'to approve' or 'to prove that they care' is a losing battle. People often freely give their understanding, but still don't approve as they would have made different choices themselves. They might understand, but still be disappointed that you didn't follow through or expect you to still do what you said.

If you try to use understanding to control others, you are missing an essential point. They are still being sympathetic to you, they still show care, they are just not doing what you want based on that understanding. Accept their loving understanding and recognize that sometimes you will receive understanding and love, but not approval. Remind yourself how often you've been understanding, but still wanted consequences for the other person.

Want to talk about approval, love and understanding? Don't hesitate to post it in a comment on the blog or on the Facebook Fan Page. You can also share your stories or questions in the practice, by e-mail or publicly online.