Welcome at Flow of Miracles

Dear People,

Yesterday I had a lovely evening with 2 wonderful ladies while we were working on getting back to strength, to your center and to your own truth. One of the topics of conversation in that workshop was being gentle. We talked about how easy it is to be gentle to others and how hard it sometimes is to be gentle to yourself. I felt it was a good topic for a blog post on being gentle after something goes wrong!

Why being gentle with yourself is so important
Imagine a poor wounded bird that dropped from the nest. We wouldn't chide it for falling out. We wouldn't poke it to try to make it fly back up. We wouldn't think it deserved to stay in pain. We would gentle cup it in our hands and put it back where it belongs - to safety and warmth. This is what is right.

Now think back on the last time you made a mistake and you dropped from the nest. I'm sure you chided yourself sternly. Your guilt probably helped that chiding along, as well as making you believe you deserved punishment. How does that help you? It keeps you out in the cold, keeps you in a negative cycle and keeps you from seeing yourself for what you truly are: Human - capable of making mistakes - and capable of correcting them.

So, take the time to be gentle with yourself. That way you stay in a positive loving vibe - even after the worst mistakes in your life.

How to be gentle: Step 1: Stopping the Out of Control Inner Critic
Having an Inner Critic is fine - we all need to evaluate our actions, thoughts and decisions. Our Critic lets us know when we stray or how we could do better next time. However, with some people the Critic is out of control! It keeps on talking and talking and talking - making you feel small, stupid and belittled.

Sometimes this is caused by the teachings of your parents, siblings or other significant people in your life, sometimes it's primarily us - we want to be the best and we think that yelling at ourselves will accomplish that. It's quite a silly notion, as we all know that we feel more motivated with gentleness then with toxic words.

So, next time your Inner Critic gets out of control and you are telling yourself how you should have known to do things differently - get your Inner Fan on the stage. The Inner Fan balances out the Inner Critic. It encourages us, finds us courageous and cheers every time we try to take positive action - regardless of the outcome.

How to be gentle: Step 2: Allowing your feelings
Ok, so something went wrong and you feel terrible about it. Often, people want to stay positive or deal with the problem by ignoring it. Neither is good idea. First and foremost, allow your feelings to be there. Then - comfort yourself accordingly for as long as you need!

That little bird out of the nest is cold and upset - just like you are. Comfort yourself gently, before taking steps to correct issues. Heartache only heals when we allow it to be there and when we take care of it.

How to be gentle: Step 3: Working on the solution
It's easy to stay stuck in negativity once something went wrong and to stay harsh. To think of all kinds of negative solutions based on punishments or to think only of the problem that was created.
Instead, be sure to think of what you have learnt about yourself and others. Think on how this can be bring something positive into your life. If you can't think of something, that's fine.

Then, start thinking on how to solve it in a way that is satisfying.

How to be gentle: Step 4: Reward yourself
Regardless of the consequences of your solution reward yourself. You did your best, so be gentle and acknowledge that. This step is most often forgotten, because we tend not rarely reward ourselves. When we do it, it's mostly when we get exceptional good results (promotion, getting a degree etc.), but those are just the endpoints of a journey. All those times in between are also worth celebrating.

So, for today (and hopefully every day), practice Gentleness!