Welcome at Flow of Miracles

Dear People,

We can't escape grief in our lives, because one way or another we will all experience loss. Loss can come in many forms like the loss of a person, a pet or a part of ourselves, but also the loss of a relationship, friendship or an object. We often react to loss with fear, anger, denial and sadness, but we can also choose to respond in a different way. Today I'm writing about three ways people can react to loss to help us understand ourselves and others in our grief.

If you want to work on your grief with EFT on your own, please look at the EFT and Grief blog post.

Head/Heart/Belly System
A few years ago I started working with my own system to explain ways in which we can react and how we can balance those energy systems. A lot of people feel strive between Head and Heart, or between thoughts and feelings, but the Belly is also an important energy system that houses our instincts.

For the purpose of this article, I won't get into the whole system, but in a nutshell Head is our mind, our thoughts, our analytical side, Heart is our emotional side, our feelings and Belly is our instinctual side, our side that wants action. We are a combination of these sides, but we might find some of them easier then others and might have a preferred way to react.

Grieving through Heart Center
This type of grieving is the one we all universally recognize; grieving purely emotionally. It can come in tears, sobs, hysterical crying, but also in pulling hairs or truly becoming hysterical. In many movies, this is the only type of grief shown, as it's quite visual.

People who grieve through the heart center often want a lot of comfort, encouragement, talking and physical contact. That's because the other centers help stabilize the hurting heart center. If they are past the worst of their grief, they often want to speak about the deceased.

They often look through the emotional lens at everything. As such it can be hard if you grieve differently to deal with primarily heart center grievers. Even things that you might deem unimportant or easy to solve (like throwing out the trash in the deceased house or signing the divorce papers) is a huge emotional happening.

Misunderstanding can easily arise and giving comfort to primarily heart center grievers can be super draining. So instead of making them feel overly sensitive, dramatic or childish or hearing accusations of being heartless step away from them when you need to to recharge.

Grieving though Head Center
Primarily Head center grievers show their grief by trying to make sense of things on an analytical level. They often are busy thinking things through, making plans for the funeral and keeping things running smoothly. They often get praise for being 'a rock that can be counted on', as they don't tend to show much emotional turmoil in their grief.

People who grief through the head center are most commonly known to say things like: "If it's your time it's your time", making it sound like they are much further along in their grieving process (acceptance) or that they just don't care. Neither is true, they are just trying to find a way of dealing with their grief. They often prefer to be alone with their thoughts, but trying to support them through loving actions or helping them give voice to their emotions is still very beneficial.

They look through the mental lens at everything. It's much harder for them to let go of grief and often they have an (emotional) break down later, when everything is arranged or when a plan doesn't come together. They will rant about the unfairness of it all or get really sad.

Often people who grief through the head center sound like they have it all figured out and so we forget to give comfort to them. As such, it's easy for head center grievers to feel a little bit abandoned. Remind yourself that even when we have it all figured out, it's still nice when somebody wants to help us.

Grieving through Belly Center 
Primarily Belly Center grievers show their grief by trying to get things done and often have a physical component to their grief. They like to run to clear their head, clear out the house of the deceased or just go the gym to feel better. They often annoy other grievers with their urge to process their grief by doing things.

People who grief through the belly center often are the one's most gungho about moving forward, leaving heart grievers upset and head grievers unwilling to do things 'without a plan'. This isn't because they aren't grieving, they just feel like they aren't able to process things without things moving forward.

They look through a physical/instinctual lens at everything. As such they feel they can process their grief by moving forward, cleaning up things, moving stuff or even cutting their hair. Physical changes bring them comfort.

Often people who grief through the belly center look like they have processed the grief already or don't deeply grieve due to their huge drive forward. This isn't true and a lot of time this leads to very painful misunderstandings. Where head grievers are told they have 'no heart', because they want to discuss and plan, belly grievers are told they are just want to forget about the loss or pretend it doesn't exist.

Comfort belly center grievers by doing something with them, even if it's just cooking a meal or taking a walk. Acknowledge that they are grieving in their own way and that they have the right to do so. They might also like making a memento to process their grief.

Want to share something about grief or have questions on processing yours?
Post a comment on the blog, reach me through Facebook,  e-mail me or ask me in the practice.

Pick and choose what works for you and affirm away (I recommend three times a day if you can manage it).


I choose to find something cheerful about my day
I choose to cheer myself up
I choose to cheer myself on

I can always see the cheer in myself
I can always see the cheer in others
I can always see the cheer in life
 
I choose to be cheerful
I choose to be cheerful in the face of the difficulties
I choose to be cheerful during difficult times

I believe in the power of cheerfulness
I experience the power of cheerfulness (daily)
I embrace the power of cheerfulness 
I embody the power of cheerfulness

I am a source of cheerful actions
I am a source of cheerful thoughts
I am a source of cheerfulness
I am always in good cheer

 
Have an affirmation you want to share? Don't hesitate to post it in a comment on the blog or on the Facebook Fan Page or watch the past Instagram Live about affirmations. You can also share your affirmation stories in the practice or by e-mail.

Even though I don't understand why <family member> behaves this way, I choose understanding
Even though I don't understand why <family member> makes these choices, I choose to accept them
Even though I don't understand why <family member> lives this way, I choose to accept them
Even though I don't understand why <family member> is this way, I choose to accept them

Family breakdowns
Even though I'm hurt by other people's responses, who I choose to call family is my choice
Even though I can't seem to understand people's responses, who I choose to call family is my choice
Even though I'm annoyed by other people's responses, who I choose to call family is my choice
Even though I'm upset that I broke up my family, I choose to forgive myself
Even though I'm hurt that I had to make this choice, I choose to forgive myself
Even though I'm in pain with the current state of my family, I made the choice that's right for me
Even though I feel guilty I couldn't solve things, I forgive myself completely
Even though I feel guilty I couldn't save my family, I forgive myself completely

Want to chat about dealing with family relationships? Post a message on the blog, Facebook Fan Page or e-mail me for a personalized EFT sentence!